but seriously, this post is dedicated to being grateful for everything that's worth the effort.
I've wanted to go to egypt for as long as i can remember. And i know people say that, the whole as long as i can remember thing, for pretty much anything that goes, but honestly. I have wanted to go there since i knew a place called egypt existed. And it didnt really strike me that i was there till i saw the pyramids. And i did what every truly overwhelmed, filmy girl does. I cried. I cried because there was so much, and it was so old and had lasted so many million times my age. I cried because thousands of people had seen this before me, so many people who changed the course of history. Alexander, Napoleon, Caeser. The sun had set on those massive stone structures for four thousand years. and rises each morning, and it will go on for another couple of thousand. I have never felt so small, so insignificant, so much in awe of human accomplishment, and for that one second it felt like i was somewhere i really truly belonged. i had this moment that defined me. my whole life was waiting for that one second. and i dont think i will ever understand how much that one moment changed me. but it did. i felt like a speck on the sands of eternity, like one star, but for the moment that i was near the pyramids, that i was the star that shined on them, it didnt matter.
I cried because i'd lost a dream that i took with me to bed every night, and woke up in the morning with every day. Even if i didnt think about it, it was there. hidden inside. Like a best friend you take for granted. Or the air that you breathe. I cried because i hadnt given it enough thought or love or energy to truly deserve the splendour of the pyramids or of the country.
I cried because i had never felt so much gratitude in my whole life. like this surge of being thankful, just for being alive. for being myself. for everything in my life that i love more than i can ever tell them/it. for the music, for the love that the world has given me. for the people who have mattered. more than they'll ever know.
And so what if i'm the size of a blimp, or failing history. i know that someday, none of this will matter. because i need to do everything i can to ensure that i was worthy of them. that i am worthy of this life that i have, because there's so much in it that's beautiful.
There are so many things to be happy about. It really truly honestly is a wonderful world.